*blowing off the dust*

Wow, I've been neglecting this thing big time. What's new, huh?

From Wear Blue

I wanted to write about last week and my first half-marathon! I don't think it would have made near as much of an impact if I had not done it with Run to Remember. The whole week was an inspirational high...with a few bumps.

The excitement started on Tuesday when we had our last team run. We got together at the park for some team photos and also some pre-race advice from Greg Klein, owner of South Sound Running. He had some great advice to offer. Then we took off on a 3-mile run. That's where things started to go badly for me. I've been having trouble with allergies for over a month now, but Tuesday afternoon after cutting the grass, I noticed my chest was feeling really tight. Running didn't help. I was having so much trouble breathing it scared me. It felt like my chest was being squeezed in a vice--I was gasping for breath and wheezing. After spending a miserable and sleepless night like that, I was able to get a doctor appointment where he informed me I had allergy-induced asthma and gave me an inhaler and prescription-strength Allegra. I'm sure everyone dreams of having this happen the week before their first half-marathon, right?? The meds helped but not completely...I was pretty sure I either wasn't going to be able to run or was going to have a miserable time of it.

Anyway, Friday night the team was having a pre-race Dinner of Remembrance. My friend Teresa was planning a great deal of the event and she was stressed out of her mind, so she recruited me to help set up. I spent most of Friday doing that. I caught a little bit of the stress, haha, but by the time we all convened back at the venue dolled up in our dresses, it was all done and went off beautifully. It was also a very emotional night. We had Gold Star families in attendance (parents and family members of some of the fallen soldiers we run for), the picture of a fallen soldier at each table, and some very moving speeches and videos. I think we all came away completely inspired and pumped up to run our butts off in honor of these brave soldiers who had given the ultimate sacrifice.

Saturday morning the alarm went off at 3:30. We were all riding buses to Seattle and the volunteers (which included Andrew--R2R was doing one of the water stations and he agreed to help) were leaving at 4. We had 3 full buses of volunteers in blue--it was awesome! The runners left at 5. We were all in great spirits considering the early hour; the buses were buzzing as if they were full of schoolkids off on a fun field trip. =) We arrived at the starting line in time to make a mad rush to the gear check and portapotties before collecting in our corral. It was awesome to look around and see our crowd of blue in a sea of runners! The announcers also called out what R2R was about and read the names of the soldiers over the loudspeaker, and then we took off. It was an awesome moment!

The first 5 miles honestly flew by. I realized pretty quickly that I was not going to be able to run any hills due to my breathing issues, and being that we were running in Seattle, hills are a given. So I walked them and decided that my only goal was to finish the race, no matter how long it took me. By mile 6 I was starting to struggle--the pressure on my chest was really sapping my energy. =\ But what kept me going was the impatience to get to mile 7, where the Wear Blue: Run to Remember team was holding 41 flags with the 41 names of fallen soldiers and handing out water. I knew it would be emotional and inspiring, but I honestly wasn't prepared for the impact that Wear Blue mile was going to have on me and everybody running around me. There was a picture of each soldier along the route...runners were clapping, saluting, and some stopped to take pictures. It was great to get cheered on by my team and get a fresh burst of inspiration from the faces and names of the soldiers for whom I was running. It was also cool seeing Andrew and my friend Tasneem too handing out water. The energy from our awesome group kept me going for the next two miles.

But then I started to struggle again and this time willpower was futile. I had to stop and walk for a few minutes quite a few times and also had to stop and stretch. The last mile and a half was ROUGH. It was so discouraging to have trained so hard and have my body konk out on me for reasons beyond my control. My inhaler medicine was wearing off but there was nothing I could do about it. FINALLY the finish line was in sight and I managed to propel myself down the home stretch. My finishing time ended up being 2:39. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit it was pretty disappointing. But hey, I finished and I ran almost all of it and that was really all my body was capable of doing, so after the initial disappointment I decided to be content. I'll do better on my next one--hopefully I won't have allergies!

From Wear Blue

Emily, Mae and I, happy to be done!

Despite my body making things difficult, it was still one of the most exhilarating days ever. I am so proud of my group, especially the two moms running their first marathons in honor of their sons who were killed in action! I was so honored to be a part of it!

Here's some video news coverage of the race!

Relevance 101

I feel so sorry for my English professor sometimes. He picks out deep, thought-provoking essays for us to read and discuss in class, and makes up good discussion questions to go along with them. Even when I don't agree with him or everyone else, we've had some awesome discussions and even debates on some great topics. I have a handful of really intelligent classmates (almost all guys, incidentally) and most of the time it's me and them tossing ideas/thoughts back and forth. On those days I leave class with my brain on a kind of high--I just love thought-provoking conversation.

But on some topics, things go completely awry. Without fail on these days, one of the, er, less bright members of the class always derails the discussion with completely irrelevant and unhelpful comments. Take today, for instance. We were discussing an essay by Virginia Woolfe, "Shakespeare's Sister," about the oppression of women throughout history. Very good stuff. It could've been a very interesting discussion, too. But no, it was not to be. The professor read this quote out loud:

"Indeed, if woman had no existence save in the fiction written by men, one would imagine her a person of the utmost importance; very various; heroic and mean; splendid and sordid; infinitely beautiful and hideous in the extreme; as great as a man, some think even greater. But this is woman in fiction. In fact, as Professor Trevelyan points out, she was locked up, beaten, and flung about the room."

Immediately a female student's hand shot up. "I just don't get that! I've told all my boyfriends, if they EVER hit me, they better hope I'm not able to get off the floor!"

Umm, okay. Thanks for completely missing the point of the entire discussion (sexism in history). I'm glad you won't ever be the victim of oppression, Classmate, but Virginia Woolfe was talking about how women in the old days didn't have any choice but to be oppressed. But no, we didn't get to discuss that for more than a few minutes, since the topic went to the birds after that. Especially after that same classmate, after expressing extreme disgust with men who look down on women, turned right around and started talking about how men are so much dumber than women and how her husband hates it when she crushes his ideas. (Poor guy. And that's not sarcasm.) Professor S. tried valiantly to bring some depth back to the topic but it was in vain.

If I could teach a college success course, I would teach one on "Relevance: How to Intelligently Contribute to Class Discussions." Dream on.

Life lately

This has been a nice weekend. For one, I got a 3-day weekend from school--no class on Friday! I took the day completely off from all responsibilities (except for work =P) and relaxed. It was a beautiful day so I invited a group of girlfriends to go to the Olympia farmer's market it with me for part of the day. I really love that place. So much unique, local products, yummy food, and--of course!--weird people to stare at. ;-) Andrew and I also grilled out for dinner for the first time this year! And Friday night I saw Water for Elephants with Emily...it was good but sad! I need to pick up the book now.

Yesterday I started off the morning with running 3 miles with Kelly and WB:R2R (abbreviation for the awesome running group I have mentioned here before, Wear Blue: Run to Remember). The weather was beautiful again and warm enough that we felt really heated when we were done--gonna have to start getting used to that! I've gotten so good at running in the cold, haha. Anyway, I was supposed to run 12 miles but it just wasn't going to happen. I've been having some back trouble and running 8 miles last week before I was completely better caused a major flare-up. I have plenty of time though; the 1/2 marathon is still over a month away and so far my longest run has been 11.5 miles at a pretty decent pace. I'm starting to feel pretty confident that I'll be able to accomplish my goal of finishing the race in under 2 hours! Btw, here's a recent professional photo of my afore-mentioned running group (I'm standing, 5th from right):

School is going well. I can't believe there are only 4 weeks left though! I have an essay to BS my way through this week for English class--all the topics to choose from were completely uninspiring, but I've managed to pick one and have a good headstart on it. I'm definitely going to get an A in this class. =) My business class is going to be a little more stressful but I've been making pretty good grades so far and should be able to keep it up if I really buckle down the next couple weeks. My teammates and I have a big project due and then I'll have some big-time studying to do for the final. Math...is math. I'm doing okay, but am a little behind. That's the only thing stressing me out slightly, but I'll finish.

We are officially moving to Texas in August! I'm pretty excited. I'll do a separate post about that soon. =) It's completely different from WA (or FL!) and definitely going to be an adventure!

Technology Sucks

Apparently Blogger decided it would be okay to delete the comments to my last post when they did whatever-it-was-they-were-doing to the site this week. Me no appreciate, Blogger!

The argument could be made that I have no business complaining really since it's a free site, but my counter-argument is that I would gladly pay a little to use Blogger if they could guarantee they won't just delete stuff on my site. =P

Of beans and chocolate chips

Today I'm going to pass on two cooking/baking tips that I have added to my repertoire of cooking/baking skills! One I cannot take credit for at all, but the other I like to think is mostly my own innovation. If you think it's not, that's fine, but keep it to yourself. Everyone deserves a little glory. ;-)

So, #1. If you are like me and love a big pot of beans, but think the process is a time-consuming drag, I've learned a way to eliminate the "soaking" step! A commenter on allrecipes.com explained that you cover the beans with cold water, bring it to a boil, and boil for about 10 minutes. Then put the pot in the sink, and throw in 1/4 cup of baking soda. Start stirring it around and an amazingly disgusting-looking green/yellow/brown foam starts boiling up. Keep stirring vigorously til the foam disappears, and then rinse the beans and pot thoroughly. Put the pot back on the stove and start the cooking process! I am used to having to carve out about 4 hours to make beans, but this method shaves off about 1.5 hours. Awesome!

#2. After receiving a ton of mini chocolate chips leftover from Christmas baking items at my job and not sure what to do with them, I decided to throw them in some chocolate chip cookie batter. Voila! My new favorite cookie (and everyone else's, apparently--I have gotten rave reviews on these cookies whenever I make them)! I use the basic recipe that's on the back of most chocolate chip bags, but when it comes time to add the chocolate chips, I add a ridiculous amount of mini chocolate chips. You definitely don't buy one bag of minis for a batch of these cookies; buy a couple. If you're not willing to do that, well...why are you bothering in the first place? Skimping on the chocolate in chocolate chip cookies should be a crime.

Anyway. Basically, my rule is: if you add the mini chocolate chips to the dough and it looks like enough, add a little more.

This tip is what takes your cookies from the "oh nice, you brought chocolate chip cookies," level to the "OMG! These are the best cookies ever!" level. =) They stay chewy, moist, and immensely chocolatey in every bite. YUM!

Honest Scrap Award

Awhile back I got a blog award from my friend Jenny over at Erasing Shades of Grey! Thanks, Jenny! I'm not totally sure what it's about, but apparently I have to tell you five things about me. You are all in for a treat!! Just kidding, I'm not really that egotistical. ;-)

1. I am very self-reliant, almost to a fault sometimes. I refuse to ask anyone for help until I've exhausted every means of doing something or finding something myself. For example, in a store I will wander around for half an hour trying to find something rather than just ask a sales associate (and I'm rather embarrassed to admit that there have been times I've gone without the desired item due to my stubborn refusal to ask--how dumb is that?). If I'm confused by a school assignment, I'll read it over and over again to make sure I can't figure it out on my own before asking the professor. I won't ask anyone to do anything for me unless I absolutely need it and absolutely can't do it myself. I haven't figured out quite why this is such a matter of pride with me, but I think I just enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when I've done something all by myself. I think it ties into my being a hands-on learner, actually.

2. I used to think I was a dog person rather than a cat person. I liked cats too, but I always had dogs growing up and it wasn't til every attempt I made to get a dog the last few years fell through that I decided to "settle" for a cat. Now I'm pretty sure I'm a cat person. ;-) I fell head over heels for my two kitty cats and can't imagine life without them! I still love dogs and want one eventually, but I don't think they're near as entertaining and eccentric as cats. Cats just do the oddest, craziest things on a regular basis; every aspect of their personalities just fascinates and makes me laugh very hard.

3. I'm obsessed with cookbooks and recipe blogs. One shelf in my pantry is almost full of cookbooks. I use them, too!

4. I twirl my hair in my fingers incessantly. It used to bug the crap out of Andrew but he's given up trying to get me to stop because I just can't do it, haha. I get very self-conscious about doing it in class because I'm afraid I'm annoying anyone sitting behind me, but the other day I decided not to care. My fingers won't be still and it helps me concentrate. If anyone ever complains, I'll tell them that when they stop asking dumb questions in class I'll stop playing with my hair. ;-)

5. My love language is quality time. This goes for my relationship with my husband as well as with other people; I feel the most loved when someone wants to hang out with me.

Easter, and other things

It has been brought to my attention that I need to post. I have known this, but as usual letting myself go so long without posting has made it daunting to get started again. I'll give a few short updates and then share about the weekend and start fresh from there.

* I started up school again the last week of March, and this quarter I'm going full time--another math class, English 101, and Intro to Business. It's definitely a completely different experience from last quarter where I was only taking the one math class! The classes I'm taking may be basic, but the amount of homework and studying required is definitely keeping me on my toes. It helps that I'm loving the classes though. My English professor is a little odd, but I look forward to class every day because he is more interested in critical reading than writing and we are spending more time reading and discussing essays this quarter than we are writing, which suits me just fine. I love the discussions with my classmates. As for my business professor, he is everyone's dream professor. He's genuinely funny and interesting, and I never imagined I would enjoy such a "dry" class so much.

* As with any "update" that is Army-related, I always hesitate to make any definitive statements because every time I say one thing, it's completely changed by the next week. I am completely paranoid about saying anything now. =P But, it appears to be fairly certain that we will be PCSing to Ft. Bliss, Texas in August. I'm reasonably excited. I am going to miss Washington painfully, but I've really been getting the urge to move and Bliss will certainly be adventure. It is also not as horrible as I've always heard either. I have really learned the last few years not to pay too much attention to the opinions of other people and keep an open mind about things. Anyway, I will say more about this when Andrew has officially reenlisted and we have orders in our hands and I don't feel like I'm "tempting fate."

I think those are the two biggest things going on right now. So there, you're all updated. =)

On Easter, I decided I needed to do something I'd never done before. That's right, folks, I have never dyed Easter eggs. Growing up, Easter was a pagan holiday in my house (as were most other holidays on the calendar that pretty much everyone else I know has fond childhood memories of =P). My parents did not allow us to celebrate Easter in any way, shape or form. I remain puzzled as to how cute children dancing about on the grass with cute baskets searching for brightly colored eggs can possibly lead to dancing naked in the woods around a ritual fire chanting to the goddesses, but be that as it may. I can't really make up for the fact that I've never experienced an Easter egg hunt in my deprived childhood, but at least I could decorate some eggs! Andrew was all for helping me, so I think we've started a nice little tradition this year that I'd like to continue. =)

From Blogger Pictures

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Next year I'm going to be more prepared and have more supplies, but it was a fun first attempt!

Life lately

Whew, it's been so busy lately! I've had so much to do that every time I sit down, I feel like I should be working on something. Even right now, I feel guilty for writing a blog post when I should be working on math, addressing baby shower invitations, or finishing up my FRG roster. Arghhhhhh.

My math class is almost done. I have one short chapter left and then my final. I must say it's been rather stressful trying to finish it a week earlier than everyone else. But I've made straight As on all my tests so I'm very proud of myself! I never thought I could do so well on math. We'll see how the next class goes in a few weeks, though. I'm also taking English 101 and Intro to Business. (I don't think this is going to be the most fun quarter. =P)

Andrew had a four-day weekend for President's Day, so we got out of the house for a little bit. One day we went to the Nisqually Wildlife Refuge to walk the new boardwalk trail. It was such a pretty walk.

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We also went up to Seattle and visited the Ballard ship locks (very cool) and Chinatown. It was fun to do some less typical touristy things since we always seem to do Pike's Market and the waterfront every time.

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Last week we had some crazy weather. It stayed below freezing for several days and we got several inches of snow. It was beautiful, but I think we are all ready for spring now!

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On Thursday I went to Olympia and rescued my friend Keri, who was here from Arizona visiting her fiance (a soldier in our battalion). She had never driven in snow so she was housebound while it lasted. I've gotten fairly good at it so I picked her up and we went to lunch and explored snowy downtown Olympia.

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I also introduced her to one of my favorite coffee shops, Batdorf & Bronson.

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They do such beautiful coffee art!

More to come....this post is long enough already!

Real Housewives of the Army

On Tuesday I got to attend the Ft. Lewis annual spouses dinner for the 3rd year! It was not quite as crazy as previous years, but this year was still the best because the 3rd Brigade ladies brought it big-time, and won the grand prize for participation/theme! It was so much fun.

Our brigade theme was "Real Housewives of the Army," and each battalion did "Real Housewives" of a specific Army post/region of the country. My Tomahawk ladies and I were Ft. Drum/New York. The other battalions did Ft. Lewis/Pacific Northwest, Ft. Stewart/the south, Schofield/Hawaii, Ft. Carson/Colorado, and Ft. Hood/the west. Everyone went all out and we all looked fantastic. We knew we had the contest in the bag as soon as we showed up, especially after we did our skit and brigade cheer. ;-)

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1-23 Tomahawks ladies

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Me, Kacey, Keri, and Alisha--I love these girls!

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With the fabulous Kelly and Teresa

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The entire 3rd Brigade party!

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Alisha and me

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My lovely Brazilian friend Susy, who I met at church but is actually in 3rd Brigade as well.

All about food

I apologize in advance if this entry causes any mouth-watering or cravings. ;-)

On Valentine's Day we decided to stay in and have a nice dinner at home, since it was a work day for both of us and another fancy dinner out did not fit into the budget after having just celebrated my birthday. I decided to try a meal featuring scallops, since they are Andrew's favorite kind of seafood. I found a recipe that used the broiler (I have become very obsessed with using the broiler lately!) and they turned out very well! To go along with them was fettucine alfredo, garlic bread, and salad with homemade Italian dressing. Oh, and don't forget the wine--it is very important. ;-)

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For dessert we had chocolate fondue, with strawberries, marshmallows, graham crackers, pound cake, and bananas to dip in. But I completely forgot to snap a picture of that.

I also got the urge to practice with my sugar cookies with royal icing again, and they turned out really cute!

From Blogger Pictures

From Blogger Pictures

I regretted using that blue though--it turned out much too light. And I need to get a smaller tip for writing with.

A few days ago I noticed a dish on the cover of a Wildtree catalog that looked yummy, but there was no recipe for it, or even a description. But I still wanted it! So I decided to try to concoct something similar myself. It had chicken breast, fettucine, broccoli, and fresh tomatoes, in some kind of creamy white sauce. I needed to use up some chicken thighs though so instead of cutting up chicken breast, I popped the thighs in the oven to roast, topped with garlic and salt and pepper. Then I made a white sauce with butter, garlic, cream, salt, pepper, and a few pinches of Italian seasoning. I added some parmesan to thicken it, and then tossed it with some pasta, steamed broccoli, and fresh tomatoes and parsley. It was so good! I love creating my own concoctions. =)

Accomplishments and Lessons

I went running again this morning with my new running group, Run to Remember (picture above snagged from their site). I am excited to say that, despite fighting the onset of a chest cold, I ran 5 miles for the first time in my life! My leg muscles were hurting quite badly the last mile, but I managed to push through and finish with overall little difficulty. I still can't quite believe it! About a year ago I was claiming I couldn't run, haha. Running with this group has been so amazing. Not only does it feed my patriotism and love for the military (the group was founded in honor of the dozens of soldiers killed from one particular infantry brigade from Ft. Lewis in their last deployment to Afghanistan), but it's given me people to run with every week and keep me encouraged and on a training schedule.

On an entirely different note, I've learned a few things this week, both completely unrelated to each other.

Thing #1: Sometimes the person you would most expect to know better than to start drama can turn out to be the complete opposite. And I must say I consider that sad.

Thing #2: Accusations and/or judgments from people I'm not close to no longer bother me. A few years ago, a confrontational email from someone--anyone!-- would get my blood pressure up, tear ducts going, and my fingers flying madly across my keyboard. No rest could be had for this girl until she had fired back an immediate, long, and defensive response!! Now? I just shrug my shoulders and say, "Whatever." Life is too short to worry over judgment from people who don't know you inside and out and only see you through a computer screen.

Travel, runs, goodbyes, and more

Hmm, what to blog about?

* School is still going well. I've been making As on all my tests, and I'm looking forward to taking some more classes next quarter!

* I have my plane ticket to go visit my family in Florida next month. I'll be there for about 10 days, and I'm so excited to see my family--it's been over two years. I'm also so excited to go spend a few days with this girl:

We've been close friends ever since we were 16 and it's been forever since we've gotten to spend any quality time together! I need me some Amy time. =)


* I've been getting back into running, after being a huge slacker for quite a few months. I'm going to be running a 15k with my aunt and uncle while I'm in FL, and I have decided to do the Seattle Rock 'n Roll 1/2 marathon in June! So I have motivation as well as deadlines, which is what I always need to accomplish most things. I know I can do it, but at the same time, it is going to be a big challenge. I was running around the airfield on post (4.3 miles) this morning and thinking, "WHY does this always sound fun until I'm doing it?" Haha But running the 1/2 marathon will also be a "last hurrah" with a few of my good friends before they leave this summer.

* Speaking of friends leaving, too many of them are doing just that. The next few months are going to contain one goodbye after another. It's so sad. =( I've decided the hardest part of military life is not the deployments, as sucky as those are. It's saying goodbye to all the friends who become as close to you as family. But as the saying goes, "It's a small Army." There's always a good chance I'll run into some of them again one day at another post!

* I have a purring kitty in my lap. Does life get any better than that?

On Point!

From Blogger Pictures

I attended the re-dedication ceremony for 3rd Brigade's memorial yesterday. It was very well done and moving, and arranged like a military funeral, complete with artillery solute, "Taps," and bagpipes playing "Amazing Grace." There were eight names to add to the memorial, which already had 88 names.

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I had to steal this picture from 3rd Brigade's Facebook page--the artillery solute was so impressive! These are the big guns; they set off car alarms when they went off, and the other day when they were practicing I seriously thought we were being bombed for a second!

I am proud to be the wife of a 3rd Brigade soldier!

Follow-Up

I just wanted to to say a big, heartfelt "thank you" to everyone who commented on my last post. I honestly never expected so many thoughtful, wise, understanding words from everyone! A couple of you even brought tears to my eyes.

There were a couple of comments I wanted to respond to, though, before I shut up on the topic for awhile. (I do believe, however, that I might use my blog to talk about this issue every so often. My blog readership is not very big right now, but who knows who might eventually find it and be excited for some encouragement in their own desire to not have kids?)

Aimee wanted to know what would happen if we had an "oopsie." Well, the answer to that is pretty simple: keep it, love it. =) And trust that if God overruled our human attempts to prevent a pregnancy, He must really want us to have a baby. But with that said, I know without a doubt it would take me a long time to be okay or happy about it. Seeing a double line on a pregnancy test would be a devastating moment for both me and Andrew. But...God is in control!

Rachelle made one comment I did have to take issue with (but I agreed with the rest of what you said!). I really disagree with the idea that there can be "selfish reasons" for not wanting children and in that case, not wanting them is wrong. I don't have a motive for not wanting children. The desire is just not there. I don't have a "reason." "I don't want them" is, in and of itself, a reason, and you can't be acting selfishly towards a child that hasn't even been conceived. The desire to reproduce is a biological, physical, and emotional urge. Just like sex. Yet someone who goes through life without ever wanting sex would not be accused of being selfish. (Crazy maybe! lol But not selfish.)

I think this is a very common belief in Christian circles, and certainly one I grew up hearing. And it's probably the main reason that people like me feel guilty or confused or afraid of condemnation from others. But the fact is, if you imply that a woman can have selfish reasons for not wanting to bear children, you also imply that children are a woman's primary purpose in life. And that notion is one I completely reject. I'm a feminist: not the "Men suck! Marriage is dumb! Abortion is *awesome*! I'm not going to shave my armpits!" brand of feminist, but the "Women should vote and have opinions on politics, have a career and higher education if they want it, and do not have to get married and/or have children if they don't want to" brand of feminist. Why is it wrong or selfish for a woman to say, "I don't want children; I want a career"? Or for her to say, "I don't want to be a mom; I love it just being me and my husband"? It isn't. It's called "everyone is different." But women who say things like this still get condemnation from some Christian circles, and I think that's sad.

On a sidenote, I haven't heard any reasons for not having kids that are selfish, but I do hear a lot of selfish reasons for having them. Things like, "I think it will save my marriage," or "I'm bored," or "I don't want to be alone when my husband is deployed," or "I need to carry on the family name." And I won't even bring up the "I can't afford to take care of my kids but I'm going to have them anyway and let your tax dollars take care of them"...that's a whole 'nother can of worms! Heh

Anyway, that's all! =) Back to your regularly scheduled programming....

My own version of pregnancy woes

Sometimes I hate that I don't want kids.

Two more of my friends here are pregnant, in the space of a week. I now only have like two good friends who aren't currently pregnant, aren't actively trying to get pregnant, or don't have babies already. I know this makes me a horrible person, but I can't help but be depressed. Why do I have to be the abnormal one who doesn't want kids, at all, ever?

I'll be 27 in eight days...what percentage of 27-year-old women in the world don't have or want kids? Probably like 2%. =P And this is normal (and, objectively speaking, awesome, because how else would mankind continue? lol). I'm the one who's abnormal. But I'm not going to try to get pregnant just so I can fit in. The thought of having a baby is completely repugnant to me. Not because I hate babies, or think having kids is worthless and stupid, or anything like that. But...I've been trying to think of how to describe it...it's sorta like your best friend running up to you one day and saying, "OMG!! I just found out I get to go live in space for the next ten years! I am so ecstatic!" and you having to try to congratulate them. You're glad they're happy and excited, but you feel fake about it because you can't relate to their desire to live in space at all. And of course, most people who want or have kids can't imagine anyone NOT wanting them.

It's very hard to go to dinner with a group of girlfriends and have to sit there mostly in silence because half the night the chat ends up revolving around babies and pregnancy. It's not that most of the moms I know can't carry on a conversation without bringing up kids (because honestly, I really know some of the best moms or wannabe moms ever), it's just the most popular subject. But I don't have a right to be even the slightest bit annoyed because, like I said, I'm the abnormal one, not them. (That's not sarcasm, btw. I am stating a fact.) Every time I get another pregnancy announcement, I feel like I've lost another friend, even though that isn't true. They still love me and want to hang out with me, and I still love them and want to hang out with them. But it is a fact of life that having kids changes people in a huge way, and things will never be quite the same. It's just very difficult for me to deal with when it isn't a change I want for my own life.

I feel like a bad, selfish person just for saying all this, but I had to vent. This was a hard post to write. Because I don't want any of my incredible friends to think that I resent their choices, am not happy that they're happy, don't want to hang out with them anymore, etc. I hope they know that they will always have someone--ie, me--who can hang out with them at the drop of a hat when they need to leave the baby home with daddy and get some adult girl time. Because I'll be one of the few people they know who doesn't say, "Umm, let me see if I can get a babysitter." ;)

But with all that said, I should be able to talk about what makes me sad, right? And what makes me sad is not having any girlfriends right now who are just like me. I think that's legitimate, even though it's an abnormal legitimacy. At least I hope so.