My name is Sarah, I used to be a "fundy"....

So, hi.

I normally fail at blogs. But lately one of my main ones, over at LiveJournal, has fallen by the wayside. I don't exactly know why but I just haven't felt the urge to post there, although I do still read other people's. I guess I feel that if I'm going to keep a blog, it might as well be one with the possibility of a wider audience. I don't know very many people anymore with LJs. Also, quite a few people I know have blogs on this site, and I find it impossible to keep up with sites that I'm not using myself. So, we'll see how it goes. I have no idea what sort of content will end up here--it will probably be random!

The other day I discovered a blog called "Stuff Fundies Like" (http://www.stufffundieslike.com). What is a fundy, you may ask? It's short for "Independent Fundamental Baptist." There is no good definition that I know of for this, but the beliefs held by IFB people are generally so "out-there," controlling, and un-Biblical that churches full of these people and led by a staunch IFB pastor end up fitting most of the documented characteristics of a cult. I grew up in one of these cults, and although I've been out for 3 years (and trying as much as possible to be "normal" for several years previous), the damage it did to me is still there. This is a pretty important fact about me because when you know me for awhile, it explains a lot. I grew up wearing denim jumpers & skirts, was homeschooled (to "keep me out of the world") with--for the most part--a very sub-par curriculum, had no real friends, did not watch/read/listen to anything other kids did, and was constantly surrounded with an atmosphere of fear, self-loathing, judgment, spiritual and emotional abuse, and negativity. Some of the stuff I was taught would blow your mind.

Anyway, recovery has been a slow process, though I manage to hide it pretty well on the outside. What has been cool is noticing how, when I seem to be struggling particularly badly with the bitterness and hurt, God shows me something that helps me heal just a little more. Sometimes it will be witnessing a display of true Christian love or hearing a particularly awesome sermon from my pastor. This week it was finding the above-mentioned humorous site. I read everything the author had posted there within two days, and what was so good was being able to just laugh. Sure, some posts brought back the anger and sadness, but overall I sat there and laughed til I cried. Sometimes I just have to forget my anger over the damage they are doing to people and the cause of Christ and laugh over the sheer ridiculousness of IFB cults.

So, that's what I felt like writing about today. Finding this site was the highlight of my week!