On Point!

From Blogger Pictures

I attended the re-dedication ceremony for 3rd Brigade's memorial yesterday. It was very well done and moving, and arranged like a military funeral, complete with artillery solute, "Taps," and bagpipes playing "Amazing Grace." There were eight names to add to the memorial, which already had 88 names.

From Blogger Pictures

I had to steal this picture from 3rd Brigade's Facebook page--the artillery solute was so impressive! These are the big guns; they set off car alarms when they went off, and the other day when they were practicing I seriously thought we were being bombed for a second!

I am proud to be the wife of a 3rd Brigade soldier!

Follow-Up

I just wanted to to say a big, heartfelt "thank you" to everyone who commented on my last post. I honestly never expected so many thoughtful, wise, understanding words from everyone! A couple of you even brought tears to my eyes.

There were a couple of comments I wanted to respond to, though, before I shut up on the topic for awhile. (I do believe, however, that I might use my blog to talk about this issue every so often. My blog readership is not very big right now, but who knows who might eventually find it and be excited for some encouragement in their own desire to not have kids?)

Aimee wanted to know what would happen if we had an "oopsie." Well, the answer to that is pretty simple: keep it, love it. =) And trust that if God overruled our human attempts to prevent a pregnancy, He must really want us to have a baby. But with that said, I know without a doubt it would take me a long time to be okay or happy about it. Seeing a double line on a pregnancy test would be a devastating moment for both me and Andrew. But...God is in control!

Rachelle made one comment I did have to take issue with (but I agreed with the rest of what you said!). I really disagree with the idea that there can be "selfish reasons" for not wanting children and in that case, not wanting them is wrong. I don't have a motive for not wanting children. The desire is just not there. I don't have a "reason." "I don't want them" is, in and of itself, a reason, and you can't be acting selfishly towards a child that hasn't even been conceived. The desire to reproduce is a biological, physical, and emotional urge. Just like sex. Yet someone who goes through life without ever wanting sex would not be accused of being selfish. (Crazy maybe! lol But not selfish.)

I think this is a very common belief in Christian circles, and certainly one I grew up hearing. And it's probably the main reason that people like me feel guilty or confused or afraid of condemnation from others. But the fact is, if you imply that a woman can have selfish reasons for not wanting to bear children, you also imply that children are a woman's primary purpose in life. And that notion is one I completely reject. I'm a feminist: not the "Men suck! Marriage is dumb! Abortion is *awesome*! I'm not going to shave my armpits!" brand of feminist, but the "Women should vote and have opinions on politics, have a career and higher education if they want it, and do not have to get married and/or have children if they don't want to" brand of feminist. Why is it wrong or selfish for a woman to say, "I don't want children; I want a career"? Or for her to say, "I don't want to be a mom; I love it just being me and my husband"? It isn't. It's called "everyone is different." But women who say things like this still get condemnation from some Christian circles, and I think that's sad.

On a sidenote, I haven't heard any reasons for not having kids that are selfish, but I do hear a lot of selfish reasons for having them. Things like, "I think it will save my marriage," or "I'm bored," or "I don't want to be alone when my husband is deployed," or "I need to carry on the family name." And I won't even bring up the "I can't afford to take care of my kids but I'm going to have them anyway and let your tax dollars take care of them"...that's a whole 'nother can of worms! Heh

Anyway, that's all! =) Back to your regularly scheduled programming....

My own version of pregnancy woes

Sometimes I hate that I don't want kids.

Two more of my friends here are pregnant, in the space of a week. I now only have like two good friends who aren't currently pregnant, aren't actively trying to get pregnant, or don't have babies already. I know this makes me a horrible person, but I can't help but be depressed. Why do I have to be the abnormal one who doesn't want kids, at all, ever?

I'll be 27 in eight days...what percentage of 27-year-old women in the world don't have or want kids? Probably like 2%. =P And this is normal (and, objectively speaking, awesome, because how else would mankind continue? lol). I'm the one who's abnormal. But I'm not going to try to get pregnant just so I can fit in. The thought of having a baby is completely repugnant to me. Not because I hate babies, or think having kids is worthless and stupid, or anything like that. But...I've been trying to think of how to describe it...it's sorta like your best friend running up to you one day and saying, "OMG!! I just found out I get to go live in space for the next ten years! I am so ecstatic!" and you having to try to congratulate them. You're glad they're happy and excited, but you feel fake about it because you can't relate to their desire to live in space at all. And of course, most people who want or have kids can't imagine anyone NOT wanting them.

It's very hard to go to dinner with a group of girlfriends and have to sit there mostly in silence because half the night the chat ends up revolving around babies and pregnancy. It's not that most of the moms I know can't carry on a conversation without bringing up kids (because honestly, I really know some of the best moms or wannabe moms ever), it's just the most popular subject. But I don't have a right to be even the slightest bit annoyed because, like I said, I'm the abnormal one, not them. (That's not sarcasm, btw. I am stating a fact.) Every time I get another pregnancy announcement, I feel like I've lost another friend, even though that isn't true. They still love me and want to hang out with me, and I still love them and want to hang out with them. But it is a fact of life that having kids changes people in a huge way, and things will never be quite the same. It's just very difficult for me to deal with when it isn't a change I want for my own life.

I feel like a bad, selfish person just for saying all this, but I had to vent. This was a hard post to write. Because I don't want any of my incredible friends to think that I resent their choices, am not happy that they're happy, don't want to hang out with them anymore, etc. I hope they know that they will always have someone--ie, me--who can hang out with them at the drop of a hat when they need to leave the baby home with daddy and get some adult girl time. Because I'll be one of the few people they know who doesn't say, "Umm, let me see if I can get a babysitter." ;)

But with all that said, I should be able to talk about what makes me sad, right? And what makes me sad is not having any girlfriends right now who are just like me. I think that's legitimate, even though it's an abnormal legitimacy. At least I hope so.

Bird-cats!

Last weekend Andrew bought a birdfeeder to hang on our back porch.

From Blogger Pictures

It has pretty much become that cats' primary source of entertainment. Eat, sleep, and watch birds...oh the life of a kitty!

From Blogger Pictures

They sit transfixed, uttering occasional predatory chirps and whipping their tails back and forth.

From Blogger Pictures

If those birds only knew what they'd be in for if the Mighty Albus-Cat could somehow get outside!

By the way, I have figured out that the birds are dark-eyed juncos. They live in the northwest year round, but love to frequent bird feeders during the winter. They are so cute!

From Blogger Pictures

Apparently I'm not doing so well on my goal of writing here once a week. Oops. Good thing I made it a goal, not a resolution, right? ;-)

This month has been pretty busy so far. My math class is going very well--it's almost not challenging enough, actually. So far I've taken two tests and aced them both. I'm really looking forward to having a full load next quarter!

Speaking of school, my good friend Emily gave me this awesome bag as an early birthday present:

From Blogger Pictures

It holds my school stuff perfectly!

Although my blogging goal hasn't gone so well, I have been working on my house goal. For the longest time I have wanted to get rid of the two tall, over-crowded bookcases that stood against one wall of our living room, since I felt it made the whole room look crowded. So, I moved both of them upstairs to the spare bedroom (where there was plenty of room) and replaced them with this:

From Blogger Pictures

I still need something in the corner and on the opposite wall, but it's a start. The room looks so much better!

This was another birthday present from Emily:

From Blogger Pictures

I love it!

Now I want to talk about my kitties, but they should have their own post.

Goals for 2011

I don't feel like catching up. Christmas was Christmas and New Year's was New Year's, ya know? These last few weeks have consisted of laying around on the couch, lots of cookie baking and eating, reading books (I finished two and started another), and cleaning/rearranging around the house. It's been a long time since I've gotten to be that lazy! It was pretty nice, but on the other hand I'm ready to have some schedule again.

Tomorrow I start school! Ends up I'm only taking one math class (long story), but I think it'll be a good introduction back into school mode. Math doesn't come easily to me but with all the time I'll have to focus on this one class, I have no excuses to not ace it!

I spent the last half of December pretty depressed about our Army-related prospects for the next few years, due to some plans getting foiled, but I think we have come up with a new plan that might be just as good. I have been getting the itch to move as well, despite my love for Washington, and it looks like this year will contain a move. Anyway, I am going into 2011 cautiously optimistic. =)

Here are some goals and things I'd like to accomplish in 2011:

* Finish decorating this house (after a year and a half, it's still very blah and un-finished)

* Become a certified spin class instructor

* Re-read some of my favorite classic novels

* Run a 10k

* Write in this blog at least once a week

* See more of Washington, and visit Canada

* Stick to the budget we made and get my car paid off

I think that's a good start! Happy New Year!