Follow-Up

I just wanted to to say a big, heartfelt "thank you" to everyone who commented on my last post. I honestly never expected so many thoughtful, wise, understanding words from everyone! A couple of you even brought tears to my eyes.

There were a couple of comments I wanted to respond to, though, before I shut up on the topic for awhile. (I do believe, however, that I might use my blog to talk about this issue every so often. My blog readership is not very big right now, but who knows who might eventually find it and be excited for some encouragement in their own desire to not have kids?)

Aimee wanted to know what would happen if we had an "oopsie." Well, the answer to that is pretty simple: keep it, love it. =) And trust that if God overruled our human attempts to prevent a pregnancy, He must really want us to have a baby. But with that said, I know without a doubt it would take me a long time to be okay or happy about it. Seeing a double line on a pregnancy test would be a devastating moment for both me and Andrew. But...God is in control!

Rachelle made one comment I did have to take issue with (but I agreed with the rest of what you said!). I really disagree with the idea that there can be "selfish reasons" for not wanting children and in that case, not wanting them is wrong. I don't have a motive for not wanting children. The desire is just not there. I don't have a "reason." "I don't want them" is, in and of itself, a reason, and you can't be acting selfishly towards a child that hasn't even been conceived. The desire to reproduce is a biological, physical, and emotional urge. Just like sex. Yet someone who goes through life without ever wanting sex would not be accused of being selfish. (Crazy maybe! lol But not selfish.)

I think this is a very common belief in Christian circles, and certainly one I grew up hearing. And it's probably the main reason that people like me feel guilty or confused or afraid of condemnation from others. But the fact is, if you imply that a woman can have selfish reasons for not wanting to bear children, you also imply that children are a woman's primary purpose in life. And that notion is one I completely reject. I'm a feminist: not the "Men suck! Marriage is dumb! Abortion is *awesome*! I'm not going to shave my armpits!" brand of feminist, but the "Women should vote and have opinions on politics, have a career and higher education if they want it, and do not have to get married and/or have children if they don't want to" brand of feminist. Why is it wrong or selfish for a woman to say, "I don't want children; I want a career"? Or for her to say, "I don't want to be a mom; I love it just being me and my husband"? It isn't. It's called "everyone is different." But women who say things like this still get condemnation from some Christian circles, and I think that's sad.

On a sidenote, I haven't heard any reasons for not having kids that are selfish, but I do hear a lot of selfish reasons for having them. Things like, "I think it will save my marriage," or "I'm bored," or "I don't want to be alone when my husband is deployed," or "I need to carry on the family name." And I won't even bring up the "I can't afford to take care of my kids but I'm going to have them anyway and let your tax dollars take care of them"...that's a whole 'nother can of worms! Heh

Anyway, that's all! =) Back to your regularly scheduled programming....

My own version of pregnancy woes

Sometimes I hate that I don't want kids.

Two more of my friends here are pregnant, in the space of a week. I now only have like two good friends who aren't currently pregnant, aren't actively trying to get pregnant, or don't have babies already. I know this makes me a horrible person, but I can't help but be depressed. Why do I have to be the abnormal one who doesn't want kids, at all, ever?

I'll be 27 in eight days...what percentage of 27-year-old women in the world don't have or want kids? Probably like 2%. =P And this is normal (and, objectively speaking, awesome, because how else would mankind continue? lol). I'm the one who's abnormal. But I'm not going to try to get pregnant just so I can fit in. The thought of having a baby is completely repugnant to me. Not because I hate babies, or think having kids is worthless and stupid, or anything like that. But...I've been trying to think of how to describe it...it's sorta like your best friend running up to you one day and saying, "OMG!! I just found out I get to go live in space for the next ten years! I am so ecstatic!" and you having to try to congratulate them. You're glad they're happy and excited, but you feel fake about it because you can't relate to their desire to live in space at all. And of course, most people who want or have kids can't imagine anyone NOT wanting them.

It's very hard to go to dinner with a group of girlfriends and have to sit there mostly in silence because half the night the chat ends up revolving around babies and pregnancy. It's not that most of the moms I know can't carry on a conversation without bringing up kids (because honestly, I really know some of the best moms or wannabe moms ever), it's just the most popular subject. But I don't have a right to be even the slightest bit annoyed because, like I said, I'm the abnormal one, not them. (That's not sarcasm, btw. I am stating a fact.) Every time I get another pregnancy announcement, I feel like I've lost another friend, even though that isn't true. They still love me and want to hang out with me, and I still love them and want to hang out with them. But it is a fact of life that having kids changes people in a huge way, and things will never be quite the same. It's just very difficult for me to deal with when it isn't a change I want for my own life.

I feel like a bad, selfish person just for saying all this, but I had to vent. This was a hard post to write. Because I don't want any of my incredible friends to think that I resent their choices, am not happy that they're happy, don't want to hang out with them anymore, etc. I hope they know that they will always have someone--ie, me--who can hang out with them at the drop of a hat when they need to leave the baby home with daddy and get some adult girl time. Because I'll be one of the few people they know who doesn't say, "Umm, let me see if I can get a babysitter." ;)

But with all that said, I should be able to talk about what makes me sad, right? And what makes me sad is not having any girlfriends right now who are just like me. I think that's legitimate, even though it's an abnormal legitimacy. At least I hope so.

Bird-cats!

Last weekend Andrew bought a birdfeeder to hang on our back porch.

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It has pretty much become that cats' primary source of entertainment. Eat, sleep, and watch birds...oh the life of a kitty!

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They sit transfixed, uttering occasional predatory chirps and whipping their tails back and forth.

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If those birds only knew what they'd be in for if the Mighty Albus-Cat could somehow get outside!

By the way, I have figured out that the birds are dark-eyed juncos. They live in the northwest year round, but love to frequent bird feeders during the winter. They are so cute!

From Blogger Pictures

Apparently I'm not doing so well on my goal of writing here once a week. Oops. Good thing I made it a goal, not a resolution, right? ;-)

This month has been pretty busy so far. My math class is going very well--it's almost not challenging enough, actually. So far I've taken two tests and aced them both. I'm really looking forward to having a full load next quarter!

Speaking of school, my good friend Emily gave me this awesome bag as an early birthday present:

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It holds my school stuff perfectly!

Although my blogging goal hasn't gone so well, I have been working on my house goal. For the longest time I have wanted to get rid of the two tall, over-crowded bookcases that stood against one wall of our living room, since I felt it made the whole room look crowded. So, I moved both of them upstairs to the spare bedroom (where there was plenty of room) and replaced them with this:

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I still need something in the corner and on the opposite wall, but it's a start. The room looks so much better!

This was another birthday present from Emily:

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I love it!

Now I want to talk about my kitties, but they should have their own post.

Goals for 2011

I don't feel like catching up. Christmas was Christmas and New Year's was New Year's, ya know? These last few weeks have consisted of laying around on the couch, lots of cookie baking and eating, reading books (I finished two and started another), and cleaning/rearranging around the house. It's been a long time since I've gotten to be that lazy! It was pretty nice, but on the other hand I'm ready to have some schedule again.

Tomorrow I start school! Ends up I'm only taking one math class (long story), but I think it'll be a good introduction back into school mode. Math doesn't come easily to me but with all the time I'll have to focus on this one class, I have no excuses to not ace it!

I spent the last half of December pretty depressed about our Army-related prospects for the next few years, due to some plans getting foiled, but I think we have come up with a new plan that might be just as good. I have been getting the itch to move as well, despite my love for Washington, and it looks like this year will contain a move. Anyway, I am going into 2011 cautiously optimistic. =)

Here are some goals and things I'd like to accomplish in 2011:

* Finish decorating this house (after a year and a half, it's still very blah and un-finished)

* Become a certified spin class instructor

* Re-read some of my favorite classic novels

* Run a 10k

* Write in this blog at least once a week

* See more of Washington, and visit Canada

* Stick to the budget we made and get my car paid off

I think that's a good start! Happy New Year!

Random thoughts

I've gotten the urge to post various Facebook statuses today but I try to limit myself to one or two a day so as not to look like an attention whore. So I'll put those thoughts here instead. ;)

* Today I went to the gym, tidied the house, did 5 loads of laundry, and baked 3 loaves of whole wheat bread and brownies.

* I was looking forward to a relaxing evening on the couch with the hubby and the TV (How I Met Your Mother is finally new again tonight!), but found out I have to do a project at work tonight that will take several hours longer than I normally work. Boo. But hey, when is more money a bad thing? =)

* Fry some Italian sausage in a pan, add potatoes (cooked til tender), and season with salt, lots of pepper, and garlic. Then eat a big plateful. You'll thank me.

* I discovered I despise every song by Sugarland except for "Stuck Like Glue." The girl's voice is too annoying in every other song.

* The music channels on our cable package are really cool. Tons of music (and not just the top hits) and no commercials? Yes please. Also cool: Zac Brown Band. Those guys have some serious talent for songwriting.

* The Hemingway scent from Scentsy is extremely fantastic. I love the way it makes my house smell woodsy and spicy without smelling like a specific wood or spice.

I think that's all. I need to go finish dinner now.

Eavesdropping

One of the things I enjoy about my job is people-watching and people-listening. Conversation overheard today while I was busily stocking dog treats:

Soldier #1: "Ooh, jello. Let's get some."
Soldier #2: "Dude, do you know how to make jello?"
Soldier #1: "You just add water!"
Soldier #2: "Okay, let's get three."
Soldier #2: "Do we even have a bowl?"
Soldier #1: "We have that Applebees cup."
Soldier #2: "Okay."

Something tells me that if anybody could mess up jello, these two could.

Thanksgiving!

I love Thanksgiving! I look forward to turkey and gravy all year. Haha

This year felt a little weird. It was actually my first Thanksgiving without any family at all. Our first year of marriage I was stuck in Florida, handling the move of all our stuff to Washington, so I spent it with my family and without Andrew. The second year my brother David came to visit us for Thanksgiving. Last year, Andrew was in Iraq, but my 4 oldest siblings came to visit and keep me from being alone. So this year it was just us. I am so thankful to have my husband home though that nothing else mattered.

One of the best things about military life is learning to find "family" when your blood family is far away. I've been so blessed to meet so many people here who are truly family to me. They have been here for me in the good times, the bad times, and the random in-between times. We have shared tears and much, much laughter, and formed the kind of bonds that can only occur between people sharing the same experiences, trials, and joys. I love my military friends so much. Even when we all go our separate ways (which happens far too often in our world), I'm going to treasure all the memories I've made the past few years and the fantastic people I've made them with. Anyway, I think that sums up what I'm most thankful for this year: spending holidays with family, even if they aren't my blood family!

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Dinner at Gabe and Tasneem's

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The girls: Aimee, me, Kristi, Gina, Jennifer, and Tasneem

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I was tasked with baking the turkey, since I'm the only one who knew how, haha.

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No family holiday get-together is complete without games. Yay Rock Band!

Snow!

We had our first snowfall of the season this week! "They" are calling for a very cold winter this year, the coldest in decades. If this storm was any sort of sign, I'll believe it!

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Snow-covered trees are so beautiful.

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We took the kitties outside in it, and they were Less Than Impressed. Normally the kitties will do anything to go outdoors and frolic in the grass, and getting them back inside again requires a vast amount of speed, wits, and grabbing-of-tails. But in the snow? They cannot get back inside fast enough. Reilly was actually jumping up and clawing at the window in his agony to get out of the cold, wet, fluffy stuff. Here he is waiting longingly for us to open the door for him:

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I love snow. But it's not very fun in a state that doesn't know how to handle it. So it's rather a relief that it should be all melted by the end of tomorrow!

New Adventure

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Guess where I'm going in January?

Pierce College, Ft. Steilacoom campus. =) I have been accepted, taken my placement test, attended orientation, and decided what classes I need to take first semester. Next step is registering for said classes and getting the military financial aid to pay for it.

I'm very excited and very nervous! I haven't been in school in 8 years, and never been in a typical school environment. It's intimidating, but I'm going to do my best. Pierce College seems like a great school and it's only 7 miles away. I'm going for an Associate of Arts in Health Education/Wellness, with a future goal of a degree in Nutrition. We'll see how it goes!

Washington, D.C.!

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One of the highlights of this year is definitely going to by my trip to Washington, D.C. for the annual FRG and AUSA conference!

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Six days of amazing classes and sessions with some of the members of the Army's top command team, getting our heads pumped full of information, and sharing ideas. I went home with so much enthusiasm for making our FRG better and with a fresh view of what my goals are.

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We heard from such inspiring people such as....

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Mrs. Shenseki, wife of retired 4-star general and Secretary of Veteran's Affairs

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General Thurman, commander of FORSCOM

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Secretary of the Army, John McHune

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and General and Mrs. Casey

I also made some new friends, Trina, Jenn, and Julie:

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And got in some good sightseeing!

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Someday I'm going back to D.C. so I can spend a whole week just sightseeing!

Playing Catch-Up

Have you ever noticed that the farther you fall behind in something, the harder it is to catch up? Well, that's how I feel with my blog. I have so much to update on that the thought is daunting. But today the goal is, "catch up or bust!"

The biggest news is that I am no longer a full-time office employee.

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It was hard saying goodbye to a job and coworkers who have been very good to me for the past two+ years, but it was the right decision. I was completely burnt out on office work--it was time to leave and focus on other things.

My last day was October 15th. I spent the next three days packing for my trip (more about that in my next post), tackling a huge to-do list, and doing such housewifely things as roasting my own pumpkin:

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and making pizza:

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I have a new part-time job, working at the commissary for Nestle. I stock things like canned pumpkin, Purina dog/cat food, holiday candy, and chocolate chips for an hour at night and 10 hours every other weekend. It's not a bad gig and pays at least one of our biggest bills. I'm also planning to start school at Pierce College in January. I am taking the placement test and going in for an advisory session next week, and class registration is at the end of the month. I'm going for an Associates in health/wellness, with a degree in Nutrition eventually.

Anyway, I'm loving life! One last picture, the hubby and me at Halloween. This was the first time we've ever dressed up together, haha.

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Smear Ads

Politics are currently at a white heat in Washington, much like anywhere else. Political ads take up most of the ad space on TV and the radio, and it's difficult not to be annoyed at how deceptive many of them are. One thing I'm noticing is how hard Democrats are trying to sound like Republicans. The normal theme of Democrats (and not-so-conservative Republicans--let's not leave them out!) is "Spend, spend, spend--the end justifies the means!" But this election, they know how angry the American people are with the massive deficit and how likely it is that they are going to lose their jobs for it. Therefore, they ignore their own horrific records for spending and howl that their Republican opponents are for sure going to spend our grandkids' fortunes as if they are suddenly alarmed at the consequences of such behavior!

Take the hottest race, for instance, between Republican Dino Rossi and Democrat Sen. Patty Murray. Murray's ads against Rossi are ludicrous in their inaccuracy. Rossi's record is very near flawless when it comes to his views/actions on spending and taxes. He is a conservative. The current appalling state deficit is not one iota his fault. Yet Murray continues to try to scare Washingtonians with what Rossi is GOING to do, which, according to her, is spend us into oblivion and have special taxes just for the middle class. It is simply NOT TRUE. But Murray can't talk about her own record because even the state's leading newspapers have pointed out that she spends tons of our tax dollars in ways they should not be spent. What do you talk about in a political ad when your record is exactly what Americans are angry with and your only promise is more of the same? Why, lie about your opponent of course. Rossi just wants to spend tons of your money! Rossi wants to send YOUR job overseas! (No, it's actually Democrats who have caused jobs to move overseas; if you can't make it in America because of all the stupid regulations and government monopolies, who can blame you for going overseas?) Rossi doesn't fight for veterans (haha, ridiculous)! Rossi doesn't want millionaires to have to pay taxes! (No, he just thinks everyone in America should pay their share--an equal percentage. Isn't that what this country is all about? Fairness to everyone? What is fair and American about taxing the crap out of a millionaire just because there's someone else who doesn't have as much?!) Rossi hates children! and puppies! (Okay, so I made that up.)

I am fed up with this nonsense. And I pray Washingtonians aren't stupid enough to buy it. If you WANT tons of spending, love big government, and want to pay most of your income in taxes, so be it--vote for Patty Murray! It's a free country; you can vote for whatever and whoever you want to. But please don't be dumb and vote for her based on her Rossi attack ads! =)

[You might as well get used to my talking politics for awhile...I am all charged up for this election and I have several posts I want to get out over the next few weeks. Haha]

Appreciation is nice.

Funny moments from a couple coworkers today regarding my leaving, which was announced in staff meeting this morning....

From Chad, when he called in at one point - "Hi, you CAN NOT LEAVE. But I'll talk to you about that later. Right now can I talk to Greg?"

From Don - "Can you show me how to do this again?"
Me: "Do you want me to just do it for you?"
Don: "Well, I want to learn how since you're leaving."
Me: "But I'm being replaced, you know!"
Don: *whisper* "But she'll probably be dumb."

I <3 weekends. This weekend included:

* Shopping and dinner out with the husband

* Sleeping in late

* Spending an afternoon in the kitchen making homemade wheat bread and black bean salsa (and a spice cake that unfortunately did not turn out well--I hate when that happens)

* Hanging out with some friends at a bar & grill in Yelm (where a bartender decided I looked exactly like Kate Bosworth and was bummed to find out I was married, heheheh)

* Church

* Chores and a visit to the gym

* Long evenings on the couch with the TV remote

Why must weekends end? Someone needs to work on that.

On the upside, this week does happen to be my last week of full-time office work. To say I'm excited is an understatement! I've been a receptionist for almost 6 years now and it's time for a break. I can't wait to get started with a new chapter in life. =)